Time And Timing Are His

on Friday, June 26, 2009

2 Oct 04 to 27 Oct 05

Who can ever account for the bizarre directions you take and amazing people you meet meandering through the links and connections of the blogasphere.

Some are amusing....

some are pretty....

some are definitely very entertaining....!

This morning though, I was not prepared for the site I visited. My big children had the very rare opportunity to sleeping in whilst I sobbed over a story that transcends into the unknown of eternal. This weeping though wasn't all just of the 'that's really sad' kind but also of celebration of life and new beginnings. Of the pain associated with vulnerability but the gain from the depth that can be felt because of it.

Meg and Ricky's journey left a imprint on my life, a 'standing stone' that will influence who I am and my choices into the future. Read her tribute to her son. {here} It will change you. Below is what poured out from my heart a comment I felt compelled to leave on his site.

Irony is probably not the right word to use in describing the timing of finding Ricky's site. You see, it has been a year this month since my baby boy was on a machine in ICU. He was only months old and already fighting for what we all take for granted ... his life.
The physical and emotional journey of that struggle and further complications could only be walked in God's strength as I had reached the 'end of me' in what I could do to preserve my baby's life. The helplessness and smallness of that place is huge and only magnified further as I now look through still blurry eyes and tired arms at my thirteen month old baby boy. He is the same age now as when Ricky met our Jesus.
We are walking out of this valley although I wonder why He has led me here to meet Ricky. Is He reminding me of the amazing perspective on life He gave me through this journey or of how He expanded my heart to love beyond what I ever thought I could? To allow my heart to feel at a depth that hurts so much yet paradoxically is way beyond any substance of love I have ever imagined? Or how He taught me how to release the need to control outcomes and trust Him unconditionally? To trust that the way He leads and loves through my 'made in His image' heart are precious freedoms?
Am I now [at risk], being out of the urgency, of licking wounds and beginning to structure my life to prevent further pain walking straight out of His freedom? Am I at risk of loosing that perspective of the amazing value He has for life and for the depth of relationship that expands from that? [Am I here to remember the fragrance of His freedom He gave Me when I 'recoginsed' that I am hopeless without Him?] He has a reason, my encounter here is not irony and I anticipate the knowing.


Meghan said...
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Meghan said...

Sande, thank you for honoring me - and Ricky with the words you shared from your heart.

The strange and difficult journeys that God allows us to walk through are rarely explained or understood... what a blessing however, to know that we are never left alone. Even the hard days carry reasons to be grateful... because we can rest assured they are growing and shaping us. And loving - even if it can only be for a short time on this earth - is so worth it.

God bless you... and thanks again so much for leaving your message.


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