A-mazed Although Giddy

on Sunday, July 26, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Tim & Gabby at Darling Harbour, Sydney

Imaged In His Eyes

This is my man ... my main guy. The big dude not the little one. Although you would think otherwise if you were to judge by where my time is spent.

And granted, it's not the greatest photo of him but there is something really symbolic about this shot that is so bloggable. See my God assailed the 'normal' in the everyday when I saw this pic and gave me a nugget of truth, a parallel of the spiritual with the natural, oh let's face it. He drew me up on His lap and discussed the issues of the universe with me.

Just lost all those rigid folk who find it hard to believe that God shares His Kingdom affairs with the average. And definitely not with someone lacking the 'right' credentials, education or social status or even the right address. Heck, she lives on the belly of the world; underneath this earth even.

But isn't that what totally messes with you? That the creator of everything, the most awesome "I AM" doesn't regard our human hierarchy and finds value in ALL His hands has made.

My Friend wants to communicate, to play, quite frankly to be in tight with everyone. A living, breathing to-ing and fro-ing of contact, of giving and reflecting truths.

And aint it the truth that I will become like Who I hang around and if the Who is Him, I'm destined to be Him flavoured. Reflecting His greatness too which, He tells me, is what I can do best since I was made in His image. Kind of portrays what I read today that...

People are attracted most to those who they see themselves reflected.

My guy must be adorable then cus look at my picture. More precisely, at the image reflected in the left lens of his sunnies.


Or more dramatically,

I am reflected in the eyes of my man.

And metaphorically, both my men! That be my man with skin on, my tangible companion committed to me til I'm dust and my Man who made me, knows my inner most being and totally completes me.


You bet. I am in the equation of their lives. Can say "I'm with Him" or them really. But not just any hims. With a him who is totally mine and a Him who is the the master of all Hims.

"From Him, through Him and to Him are all things." Rom 11:36

Bookworm ... err Booksnake

on Wednesday, July 22, 2009

All Things Chocolate

on Sunday, July 19, 2009

Driving east over Australia's 'Great Divide', a sense of overwhelming fulfilment and depth struck me. Embraced yes. But what is bizarre about this encounter is it occurred in the most inconceivable time, in the most uncondusive environment to even survive, not even entertaining the notion of it thriving and blowing my mind.

Picture this.

A six hour journey from Parkes to Dungog in a bus with ten children ranging from 15 months to eighteen years old [crazy right there no doubt]. We have all had very little sleep over the past two nights through enormous amounts of peer stimulation. Most are loaded and primed with treats filled with sugar and preservatives, basically the very nectar of child behavioural problems keeping noise levels at a steady droan and antagonisation to at least tolerance.

We are an emotional time bomb waiting to explode all over our blue ford lunch box looking transit.

Just over three hours into our trip the sun is setting an amazing pink and blue on the horizon. The children are asking intelligent and Einsteinish kind of questions. Our bellies are full of snacks and coffee and all things chocolate.

And my heart expands.

I am overwhelmed by emotion and a feeling of fullness. Leaning back and exhaling with satisfaction, I savor and soak up every last drop.

{deep long sigh}

Hits me so unexpected. Clueless to hang any reason on this random warm fuzzy but so very grateful for it.

God just chose to pick this moment in time to reach into my world and invade all my senses way beyond my understanding. Skill to dissect or share of its pleasure are not in my possession, so I selfishly wallow.

I join Oliver Twist and shamelessly appeal; 'Please sir. May I have some more'

Bowl still in my extended hand, I know this moment is slipping away although I struggle fruitlessly to stay in that place.

Water is spilt all over my five year old and he protests very loudly with vocabulary not to be found in his english workbook. Two older children wrestle over space, rights and position expressing their desired outcomes in demanding tones, and declaring their displeasure and blocked goals with limited empathy.

And oh .... my driver, who has required all focus on the task of tricky country roads, night driving and dodging [or riding right over] kangaroo carcasses is reeling in his surging reaction to his invasion of ability to move his family from point a to b. He pulls over to regroup and express his perspective on this situation in forceful tones. What we have here somewhat resembles a coke bottle shaken and shaken and then shaken again for good measure.

Is my Eden stolen?

Is my hope shot?

Is my peace detrimentally influenced?

Hmmm .... possibly. But more than likely it would have been a lot worse if He hand' t caught my attention in His unique and overwhelmingly delicious way five minutes earlier.

~ great with groceries for the larger family ~

on Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Blessing Boss Sacked

on Monday, July 13, 2009

Well, I officially sack myself from being the 'Meeter Of My Needs', emotional and tangible, cause after 40 years, I found that I suck at it.

I quit.

Let myself go even.

Gave myself a redundancy package with the best bonuses possible. Because now that I'm retired from being my own private 'blessing boss', I can sit on my porch of anticipation and be marvelled at how a huge God can be so enamored by His tiny although uncomprehendingly complex creation. That be me. I can now experience how my Father really feels about me and it is all good.

Letting go, life can be enjoyed His way. Him the provider and carer and sustainer of His child. Think of it. All that time I'm not co-ordinating everyone around me for my needs can be used to enjoy His time, His efforts, His gifts through the hands and feet of His children. Oh, and my favorite. My two juiciest love languages. His words spoken to me and for me and over me which feel like the warmest embrace ever; none I could ever possibly procure from anyone around me anyway.

How on earth did I ever believe that I could manufacture love, acceptance or stuff from anyone anyway and have it still be full, selfless and unconditional. What a doosey of a lie I fell for. How could I be such a putz. I guess everything looked good on the outside. No obvious Poe Far's. In fact, things appeared quite the opposite.

But there was a subtle yet pivotal flaw. Sure common and undetected in most of us suckers. Yet one which steals the very essence of feeling the depth He has for us directly and through others. In it's essence, the lie; seeing people as opportunities instead of seeing them as individuals to enjoy.

This is so rooted in unbelief. It is core of faith, basic in our relationship with Christ. It's so sad because it screams 'I DON'T believe He is the source of our desires.'

This means then, that if we didn't do for ourselves, then nothing good would come out way. So people become tools for our own happiness instead of an incredible source of enjoyment. We approach them with an agenda and our sleeves rolled up to work a predetermined outcome instead of the anticipation of how two lives can connect and enjoy the greatness of each, inherent from our Father. We are so ripped off when contact is diluted to a demanding expectation of working at others with requests rather than the rest in expectancy, the sweetness of sharing each other and the honor of giving our acceptance and stuff because we want to, not because we have to.

So now sacked, I possibly have less to do today. But I'm going to be listening to how I can uniquely be His hands an heart although not only anticipating but looking out for His heart for me through others.

All That In A Blog.

on Saturday, July 11, 2009

Some days I wake up already talking in my sleep. I have so much stuff that just needs to be heard, that needs to be shared, I follow my family around the house unloading these great nuggets.

Some days they politely nod with a plastic smile on their face which screams

"what in the world is she talking about!"

Other days I will connect with my husband or one of my babies with a truth that is stirring in both of us. This for me, is my 'hallmark' moment, is right up there with summer days and chocolate. The connection of two hearts wallowing in a truth straight from the truth maker Himself.

My pulse quickens, my heart expands and my tongue trips over itself while messing with new vocabulary to find adequate expression.

And when it's all said, there is that afterglow of satisfaction; of knowing, and of been known. If I smoked, I would almost be tempted to light a cigarette although not sure if I even what to use this metaphor, I will back out of this corner before I get myself into trouble.

The more I hang around the blogasphere though, the more I am discovering this exchange of hearts happening through writing.

Today a lady sitting in the dark, literally, on the other side of the world has no idea that something she wrote has had a profound effect on me. Her writing has altered my foundational thinking therefor the entire outcome of my future.

Heavy huh?

If you are reading this, odds are you blog. So have it known that you are in a position of great influence, of leadership and in that of shaping lives. You life and words make a difference. Your journey and reflection are scaffold for others walking along side you now and in the future. This is true of where ever words can be shared.

We have the amazing privilege to reveal to others what God thinks about them so they can feel His love; tell them how their existence has benefited you so they can see their purpose; tell them when you really enjoy them and wallow in their 'made in His image' self so they can see that they're accepted.

There is a buzz in watching hits and followers, but what would majorly blow me away is to be able to see somehow the fruit our writing has had, especially writing chocked with meaty bits of His truth showcased by those who have journeyed the storm and come out the other end still flat out crazy with their God.

This kind of writing impacts the direction of lives, it's pivotal in destiny and legacy and reveals how much God adores His creation and desires to restore relationship and intimacy with a world who craves nothing but.


All that in a blog.

Fuzzy Me

on Thursday, July 9, 2009

What is it going to take to get this phone to charge?!

No matter how hard I pushed or twisted or manipulated the charger, it wouldn't go into my phone. I studied both the phone slot and the pokey in bit yet without getting my glasses, I wasn't going to find much out.

I'm not old enough to need glasses yet!

And I'm too lazy to want to go find them anyway .... I can do it another way; my way.

Next best thing was to get my kids to look at it; keep my denial and procrastinating attitude to boot. So biggest boy took on my delmer in a bid to solve poor blind and dim mums problem.

Why is that phone still beeping low battery?Italic

He gave up! That's not like him ... that was a great opportunity for his ego. Solution .... try another kid. Younger girl is a whiz with a lot of stuff and would definitely problem solve this issue for me

.... although my issue became hers and now we both had bigger problems than technology; attitudinal ones.

So now my equally as big but still technically younger son steps in probably more to stop these women from whining. He persevered with that sucker for at least half an hour, poking in impressive looking tools and almost getting it on many occasions.

Until ...

we hit that defining moment.

Life had delivered us yet another booger.

We SMS'ed my man with the last remaining energy the dying phone had with our bad news and then sat in silence waiting for my 'only two month old' phone to take it's last breath.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! .....

It was very emotional.

Very humbling ....... but not as humbling as .....

"Mum! Your using the wrong charger. That's dad's!"

Almost biggest daughter had walked in on our wake. She saw the power supply we had tried to use and instinctively knew it was futile.

How can power work for something it wasn't designed for?

Oh God, I want to use your power; your strength. I don't want to live life through fuzzy eyes anymore. Please plug me in cause I know I can't and I am over wasting all my time and last bits of energy trying to jam in supplies that don't feed me.

My Ten Names

on Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sandra [real name]

Sanizzle [gangster name]

first three letters of real name plus ‘izzle’

Burgandy Horse [detective name]

Favourite color and favourite animal

Jane Fosterton [soap opera name]

Your middle name and the street you live on

Dehsa [star wars name]

The first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 Letters of your first name

Teal Smoothie [superhero name]

Second favourite color and favourite drink

Ahdrnke [Iraqi name]

2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your Last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden Name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, And last letter of your moms first name

Miriam Mervin [witness protection name]

Parents middle names

Black Butterscotch [goth name]

Black plus your pets name

Sanique [ghetto name]

First three letters of your name plus ‘ique’

~ please tell me it's custard ~

~ A really big seat or really small people? ~

on Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Death Of A Day

In a rush.

No margin in my life. No room for the spontaneous, for reflection, for living in the moment.

I'm not alone; guilt is my constant companion. She rides me through the ever constant to do's that rule my day sapping joy from work I love.

Sleep, time and quiet become my idols. Grasping and lusting after them only fattens my already obese day as they taunt me, hovering like a mirage on the horizon.

The muscle of perspective needs to be strengthened although not rude, it waits patiently at the bottom of the list.

Always at the bottom.

Til I have the courage to ignore the noise of urgent and focus on the depth of important. Til I slay the habits of culture and embrace the reality of loving the ones I'm with.

To choose to ride the winds of change, floating activity designed to enjoy the hearts in my life and to be content with an unknown destination; not one of my choice, but chosen for me before the conception of my friend time; for a purpose beyond both of us; for His pleasure.

Still now.

Hope grows.

Resolve shackles my trust and faith in the designer of the Big Picture. I surrender to Him the shreds of the precious day He gave me; ashamed at it's eternal waste ...

and yet;

already profoundly forgiven.

"It's useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don't you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves?"
Psalm 127:1b