Mask I Be Real?

on Monday, October 5, 2009



I wear a mask.


It’s if for my emotional protection. Makes me feel better; safer. If I can hide bits of myself or even present my persona as someone completely different, then those who judge aren’t really judging ME. When there’s fault finding to be had, it’s aimed at the ‘made up’ me, the one I’ve created to be more likeable, more together and definitely less vulnerable; fragile. This way, I can dodge the condescension, the wounding I take right to my core. Savvy move right?


And I am quite good at it too, residing in my fabricated bubble. No wondering why though; been working on this front for close on forty years now. Some escape personal attack with busy-ness, some with achievement, others with alcohol. Me; I like my mask cause it blends in best with all the other lukewarm people who like Christ.


Yeah sure. I know this is self medicating and rooted in doubt that God loves me amazingly and does all things for my good. In my head obviously because if I believed that in my heart, there would be trust, and faith and profoundly different outcomes in my life.


But I’m pretty happy with ‘average’ anyway. Why would I want to aim for ‘more than enough’ when I’m trying to conform to this world?! With an abundant life, I would just stick out like a sore thumb and be way open to attack then. Nope. Blend I say. Normal. Same. So what if we are all made different; we can improvise.


And to make things even more predictable and in (my) control, I like to design and accessorise a mask for God too. Then I know what to expect and can go with the three step plan to Christianity. Tucks my life away in nice little boxes. Neat, safe …yeah maybe a bit plastic and fake.


But there’s no way my nerves could handle letting God off His leash. How on earth would I manage explaining blind faith and relationship with a God who breaths stars and makes leminin glue which keeps our dirt made bodies together. And where’s the fun of hanging around a smarty pants who has a clear perspective on how many universes there are and for heavens sake. Who really cares how many hairs I have on my head? But then there’s the relationship He would want. How messy is that? Who believes He really loves us anyway. I have been spending all my energy trying to change this mess of my life into someone my dog will like little loan procuring the love of the God of the Universe.


Nope. Better spending my life keeping my front. Besides, if I didn’t have a mask to primp, where would I place all my energy? Into enjoying Him? In my mind, I’ve created Him into a weak, box dwelling wimp anyway and what’s so enjoyable about that?


(please note that my tongue is firmly planted in my satirical cheek... mostly)

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Warren Baldwin said...

I caught the satirical and confessional tones. A good reminder that underneath the front we try to pose, there is the real 'us' that Godstill loves, anyway.

K said...

Love your sarcasm

Growin' with it! said...

powerful post...for all of us mask-wearers! ☺ i especially appreciated the thought on how we "put a mask on God". ouch, but oh so true. there's a lot to think about from this post...thank you!

Sista In Arms Lxx said...

What's under your mask is truly incredible, I don't think the blending is working either, your you touches and changes people, and I'm lucky enough to be one of those. So glad we are working on peeling those masks away little by little. Lxx

Cheffie-Mom said...

Wow, what a powerful post -- very though provoking. Thank you!! BTW - I love your new header!!

Hopesrising said...

Hi Jules left me this message Pertaining to a Signature to a post.
It is fairly easy. But instead of me explaining go check out Sneaky Momma's Blog Design website. She is awesome and you can find a tutorial for just about everything in Blogger.


http://sneakymommablogdesign.blogspot.com/

It helped. I missed a step and had to go and find out where I did it. Good luck.

Hopesrising said...

Powerful post as well.

Muthering Heights said...

This is a very thought-provoking post! I think we all do that, in some degree!

Alicia said...

So very true!!!

But, behind any masks, God sees all, right?

JennyMac said...

Very poignant and thought provoking post...

E @ Scottsville said...

Hi, I just stopped by your blog to 'meet you'. Thanks for stopping by the Five Moms Blog yesterday.

Love this post! So typical of 'me' much of the time.

So do you really have TEN kiddos? That header is beautiful!

Genny said...

A great reminder to live for an audience of One and be real. There's such freedom in that.

The Things We Carried said...

I am always looking for the balance between transparency and buck naked! Heaven knows a mask is not comfortable to wear very long, and then again neither is being undressed!

Just Be Real said...

Totally understand where you are coming from on this post dear one. Thank you for being transparent. Blessings.....

Five Moms & A Blog said...

There is a great line from a poem about wearing masks. The person explains they are wearing a mask because they are afraid of being laughed at and says "and your laugh would kill me."

I wonder if, for some people, you can't tell where the mask leaves off and the real you begins.

Fortunately, our Lord is in the business of change and He is more than able to peel back the layers that we try so hard to hold onto!

~ Nan

Jenn@Spejory said...

Yes, powerful and thought-provoking!

Koala Bear Writer said...

Satire is powerful sometimes. Probably even blogging is a form of a mask - all you see of me is my page and what I choose to write (carefully edited, rewritten, worried over, reread, edited...). Lots to think about!

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

Is it any consolation that you are not alone in your box? The mask is comfortable, as is the box. Although, like you, I'm finding it a little confining. I'm peeking out, sticking out a toe, testing God's love.

But I'm still here.

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